


Behind Blue Eyes

by mcgarrygirl78



Category: The West Wing
Genre: Alternate Universe, Drama, F/F, F/M, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2006-11-15
Updated: 2006-11-15
Packaged: 2019-05-31 10:10:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,344
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15117200
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mcgarrygirl78/pseuds/mcgarrygirl78
Summary: "I'm already dangling out on a limb here.  You want to step on my hand with semantics."





	Behind Blue Eyes

**Author's Note:**

> A copy of this work was once archived at National Library, a part of the [ West Wing Fanfiction Central](https://fanlore.org/wiki/West_Wing_Fanfiction_Central), a West Wing fanfiction archive. More information about the Open Doors approved archive move can be found in the [announcement post](http://archiveofourown.org/admin_posts/8325).

  
Author's notes: The poem used in the story is On A Wedding Anniversary by Dylan Thomas.  


* * *

Thursday afternoon doctors released Leo from the hospital and by the evening, news of CJ’s rescue had hit the media. They descended on GW, as did the Senior Staff, who were quickly let into the secure wing. There were hugs and tears of joy as the two-week saga finally ended. Doctors told the staff that he did not feel comfortable with anyone visiting Mrs. McGarry just yet…she was very weak and was under heavy sedation.

“Toby, you can see her if you want. I hope everyone else doesn’t mind waiting until the weekend.” Leo said.

Just then, Hogan ran up, rushing into her Uncle’s arms. They were both crying though Leo did his best to pretend that he wasn’t.

“Is she alright?” Hogan asked. “Just tell me she is going to be alright.”

He took her into the lounge so they could talk as Toby walked into CJ’s hospital room. The Secret Service was posted at the door; he recognized Bill and Lucy Jefferson. Taking a deep breath, he sat down beside the bed. She was definitely bruised but not unrecognizably so. Two weeks she was gone and it made Toby nauseous to think about what she’d been through in that time. She was a strong woman; he had known her for 20 years, but how strong?

“I don’t even know what to say.” He said, taking a moment to look at all of the monitors. “I was so scared that you were dead. I didn’t want to think about it but how could I not? The FBI was trying but they didn’t have anything. All I could think about was all the things I didn’t say and the time we wasted being mad at each other. It was all my fault…well not all of it but most of it. I love you and when you wake up I'm going to tell you again. Thank you for not letting me mess things up with Nora. I don’t know how I would have survived this without her. She understands and she still stays…is that the true love you were always talking about? Is that how you really feel about Leo? I should go before they kick me out. I’ll be back as soon as they let me. I promise.”

Toby kissed her forehead. She was warm but did not stir at all. That bothered him as he walked out. Maybe it was better that she sedated…the next few weeks were going to be difficult.

“The press is out there.” Nora said as Toby joined them in the lounge.

Hogan went in to see CJ so that left Nora, Charlie, Toby, Leo and Mallory.

“I’ll have to put out a statement tonight.” Leo said. “I want to talk to her doctor before I talk to the media.”

“Maybe the doctor should talk to them.” Charlie said. “You just got out of the hospital this afternoon Leo. I don’t think this is a good idea.”

“I have to agree with him.” Mallory said. “You need to be focused on getting yourself better and having CJ back. Let the doctors and the FBI have a press conference.”

“Yeah.” Toby nodded. “Not tonight though. Dammit, the loved ones need their time too. We’ll hold it tomorrow morning. They have no right to invade on us like this.”

“Wait, wait, I can hardly think.” Leo walked away from them. CJ was alive; all he wanted to do was celebrate. He just wanted to be with her and move on from this time. Still, he knew from experience that the press would not go away until they got what they wanted. They probably wouldn’t then either, but at least they would back off. Leo just needed them to back off.

“OK, we’ll have the hospital release a statement. I honestly don’t know if I would be able to speak on camera right now.”

“I will help you dad.”

Mallory put her hand on his shoulder. Leo turned to her and smiled.

“You’ve already done so much. Shouldn’t you go home and see David and the baby?”

“Stop it. My family is supporting me while I support you. We’ll sit and talk to the doctors and then I’ll go home. C'mon.”

“OK.”

They walked out of the lounge and went to the nurses’ station. It was going to be a long night but Leo seemed suddenly to have the strength of ten men.

“I'm going to stay and support Leo.” Charlie said. “You guys don’t have to stay.”

“I thought…”

“We should go home to our kids.” Nora cut Toby off. “I will respect Leo’s wish to let CJ rest until the weekend. There is nothing we can do here Toby.”

“Nora…”

“What? He let you see her and he did not have to do that. Please, let’s just go home.”

Nora held out her hand. Toby sighed, taking it and saying goodnight to Charlie.

***

“Excuse me, Madame President?”

“Oh Jesus.”

Nancy slipped on the ladder, quickly grabbing the rung beside her head before she could fall and break every bone in her body. The woman ran into the library, taking hold of the ladder to steady it. Nancy smiled, climbing down.

“Thank you.”

“I certainly did not want to be known as the person who put the President in a body cast.”

“Yeah. There is a staff of almost 80 here for my every whim you know. I never thought that would suck.”

The woman laughed and Nancy found it beautiful. She looked at her, tall with blue eyes, brown hair and auburn highlights. She looked comfortable in grey slacks and a powder blue v-neck shirt.

“I'm sorry, do I know you?”

“Oh God I'm sorry.” She extended her hand. “I'm Lauren Pierdon, Madame President. I'm Wolf Blitzer’s program director.”

“Right, I almost forgot.”

Nancy shook her hand and Lauren gasped. Nancy just looked at her, examining her with intense brown eyes.

“My handshake is not that strong, is it?” Nancy asked.

“I'm sorry ma'am, no its not. I plan not to embarrass myself anymore.”

“We’ll see about that. Have a seat.”

Lauren smiled and they sat on the couch. Nancy put her book on the table, a copy of The Republic by Plato. The program director cleared her throat.

“I’d like to just start by saying you were an excellent National Security Advisor. Despite how you came into office we are all so proud to call you our President. I can't put into words how many strides we will make while you're in office.”

“We? Forgive my confusion, but…”

“The gay community ma'am. I know that you’ve never waved the rainbow banner but you’ve never been ashamed of who you are and now some outcast teenager doesn’t have to be either. It’s a good thing.”

“It certainly is. I'm not ashamed to be gay; I never have been. Its just very important that my sexual orientation not define me.”

“What defines you ma'am?” Lauren asked.

“Is that a question Wolf is going to ask?”

“Actually, that’s my question. These are Wolf’s questions, at least some of them.”

Lauren handed Nancy a piece of paper from her briefcase and the President looked over at her.

“I'm sorry I didn’t even offer you a drink. Can I get you something?”

“Mmm…yes.”

“What?” Nancy smiled.

“Can you make a long drawn out screw?”

“Are you flirting with me?”

“Oh no, ma'am. I um…” Lauren blushed slightly.

“Stop calling me ma'am, it makes me feel like an evil headmistress. How about a screwdriver?”

“Sure.”

Nancy went over to the bar and mixed a drink. Lauren smiled as she accepted it. Nancy went back to looking over the questions.

“Unacceptable.” She said.

“All of them ma'am. I mean um…”

“Nancy is fine.”

“I couldn’t.”

“How about Dr. McNally? That’s who I've been for the past eight years.”

“OK.”

“OK. What is unacceptable is any questions about my girls. I don’t discuss my children with the press; it is a line that will never be crossed.”

“I understand; we don’t have to ask any of those questions. May I say that you make a very good drink?”

“Many moons ago I was a bartender.” Nancy replied.

“Really?” Lauren asked. “I'm sorry ma'am, sometimes we tend to forget that powerful people were once normal people. They are still normal people.”

“You're still calling me ma'am Lauren. And I would prefer to think of myself as extraordinary.”

“I can see that.” Lauren said.

“You are definitely flirting with me. Its been a while but I know flirting.”

“I am not. What would you do if I were, Dr. McNally?”

“I cannot believe I'm having this conversation. I have not has this conversation since Carter was President.”

They both laughed as Nancy rolled her eyes.

“Stop it. I have to concentrate on questions. I will have to answer them while millions around the world watch.”

“You will be just fine. Anyway, its Friday; you're allowed to cut loose and have a little fun.”

“Just a little?” The President asked.

“What the hell? Lets have a lot of fun.”

“I have a feeling I'm getting mixed up with trouble.” Nancy said, the smile never leaving her face.

***

“Hello.”

“Hi Josh.”

“Hey there. I saw the news; I wish I were there. How is she?”

“They have her under heavy sedation. She is hurt but alive…the prognosis is good. I don’t know how long she will be in the hospital. I think they are being vague on purpose.”

“Of course they are, but she is alive. I bet you are smiling right now.”

“Yes. God Josh, I never wanted to truly think about it, but I feared she might be dead.”

“Yeah I know. I will be home on Friday. I want to see you and your aunt.”

“We’ll be here. Where are you right now?”

“San Francisco. We’ll do the typical run of the West Coast, hit the Twin Cities, Chicago and then come home. Know what I'm gonna do when I see you?”

“Who is this and where is Josh Lyman?” Hogan asked.

“Cute. I have been out on the road with a bunch of horny people and a married couple. I deserve a little sympathy.”

“What kind of girl do you think I am? You’ve never even bought me dinner.”

“I did not have the time necessary to put on my A game. I know that and I have to make it up to you. I plan on doing that.”

Hogan sighed. She wrapped the afghan on her couch around her, snuggling against the pillows.

“I do miss you.” She told him.

“Me too. I do wish this could’ve, whatever it is, flourished under better circumstances.”

“Uncle Leo always says its not what's given to you that’s the measure of a man, it is what you do with it.”

“The measure of a man…woo, this conversation just took a scary turn.”

Hogan laughed.

“Not that scary. Your measure is just fine Lyman.”

“Yeah, you know the Choate girls used to say…”

“Yeah right.” she giggled. “Sometimes you can be a smug bastard.”

“I was sweet the last time I called.”

“I like all of you, every bit.”

“Ditto. I will call you in a couple of days.”

“OK. Bye.”

“Bye.”

***

Leo stroked CJ’s face as she slept. It had been two and a half days so he expected her to wake up sometime today. He talked to her as much as he could; he talked about the kids. He talked about how much he loved her. He didn’t want to talk about the time she was gone anymore because it was too painful for him. What happened to her was unimaginable…Leo prayed for strength in dealing with the aftermath. It was another rainy day, that’s all there seemed to be this month. Leo was looking down at the rain soaked street as CJ started to come out of the haze.

Her eyes opened slowly and when she tried to move, her body was so heavy. Oh God, she was still drugged. She saw the man coming into the room and panic set in…she could not let him hurt her again. This time she was going to fight.

“No, no, stay away from me.” she hardly spoke in a whisper.

“Mrs. McGarry?”

The male nurse’s voice made Leo turn around.

“Is she awake?”

“She seems to be coming out of it sir.” He walked closer to her and CJ tried to move.

“No, stay away from me. Stay away!”

She tried to hold her arms up, defend herself, but they were so heavy. What the hell were they giving her?

“Mrs. McGarry, you are safe.”

“No, don’t touch me! Don’t touch me!”

She started to thrash around wildly in the bed. Leo and the nurse tried to hold her down; they did not want the IVs to come out of her arms. Her heart rate was soaring.

“No! No! No! Leo, help me!”

“I'm here CJ. Calm down baby, I'm here.”

“No! No!”

“Mrs. McGarry please.”

The Secret Service Agent on duty had already rushed to get the doctor. The two men had difficulty controlling her frantic movements.

“CJ please, we are trying to help.”

“Don’t touch me!” she was crying and screaming at the top of her lungs. “Leo! Help me!”

“CJ, I'm here.” He started to cry. She was scared out of his mind.

She let out a bloodcurdling scream and then everything stopped. The room was silent and CJ stopped moving. Leo and the nurse pulled away as the doctor came into the room.

“Is she alright?” Leo pleaded. “Do something.”

Her heart monitor slowed to normal. The doctor took her pulse before shining the light in her eyes.

“Mrs. McGarry, can you hear me? Mrs. McGarry?”

“CJ, answer him if you can.”

Her eyes were wide open, pupils dilated, but she did not say a word. The doctor poked her foot but she did not respond. He did it again with the same result.

“Mrs. McGarry?” one more time he tried the light in her eyes but she did not follow along.

“What the hell is happening to her?” Leo asked.

The doctor, Leo thought his name was Dr. Grace, put the covers over her and turned to him.

“Mr. McGarry, I think your wife may be suffering from an acute case of post traumatic stress disorder.”

“Why isn’t she moving? Is she awake? Can she hear us?”

“Her eyes are open, but she is not here sir. Whether or not she can hear us is a question doctors have debated for decades.”

“She is catatonic? I don’t quite understand; don’t talk to me like I'm stupid or a doctor.”

“Sometimes sir, particularly in the wake of a trauma, the victim will enter a state of severe depression. It resembles catatonia but only on the surface.”

“What can you do for her?”

“Drugs are an option but in this case I don’t think they are a good idea. Under normal circumstances your wife does not suffer from depression. A high dose of anti-depressants may bring her out of this state, but it could also lead to a manic episode. She might hurt herself or someone else.”

Leo went to her, stroked her hair. She did not move, did not blink; did not even acknowledge his presence.

“What’s next?”

They wanted to do a CAT scan and an MRI, make sure there was no kind of brain damage that they were unaware of. They would figure out what the next course of action was based on those test results. The doctor wanted to set them up as soon as possible.

“How long does something like this last?” Leo asked.

“I don’t want to scare you sir.”

“Just be honest with me.”

“I've seen cases of a few hours; maybe a few weeks. Sometimes, if the trauma is something the mind and body is not prepared to handle, the condition could be long lasting.”

“Permanent?” Leo took a deep breath.

“Yes sir, it can be a permanent condition. I need to schedule the procedures, excuse me.”

The doctor walked out of the room; Leo went back to his vigil at his wife’s bedside.

“I don’t know what happened to you there baby, but you have to fight this. Don’t slip away…you’ve come so far already. Forgive me if I'm being a selfish bastard but I need you. I need you to fight.”

CJ stared at nothing. He had no idea what was happening behind her eyes. There was a chance she would never return to him.

“CJ, please fight. Please.”

***

“The pressroom is out of control. I don’t know how much longer I can handle this.”

Nora sat in Donna’s office on a warm May Monday. Spring was making itself known in the nation’s capital and they were glad for its arrival.

“You have to put your foot down Donna. It is your room, take it back.”

“How?”

“I've never been a Press Secretary, though I do know a bit about unruly media. While CJ’s condition is important to us, it is not pertinent to the running of the country. The President was gay yesterday, she will be gay tomorrow…odds are heavy in her favor for being gay next Tuesday.”

Donna smirked.

“Tell them if they want to gossip or ask questions about things that don’t involve the White House, you can easily have them transferred out. I'm sick to death of it too.”

“How did I lose control?” Donna asked. “I was doing so well.”

“You did not lose control, the whole fucking world did.”

Donna nodded. It had been two weeks since CJ came out of sedation. The doctors said she was in a deep depression brought on by traumatic events. Leo was beside himself with what to do. He was told the condition was not rare; it was how many patients healed themselves. He was also told in a small percentage of cases the condition could be permanent. How cruel was it to get your wife back only to lose her again? The President returned from her Japan trip yesterday evening and spent most of her day sleeping off jetlag. Donna wished she could do the same…she had been at the White House since 6:30 in the morning.

“I'm going out there at the four o’clock briefing and taking my pressroom back.” She said.

“Good, I know you can do it.” Nora fought back a yawn.

“Nora, you look exhausted.”

“That’s probably because I am. White House Chief of Staff does not have hours. I have a two and a half year old and a seven month old at home. I need some time off before I collapse. Sam’s going to be in the hot seat the rest of the week. I just needed to be here today to start moving on some things we’re working on for this month. The President wants the minimum wage increase and the college tax credit handled by the end of the month.”

“Sam will take care of things. Maybe you should go home now.”

“I'm fine, don’t worry about me. Just go out there and pull a Patton on those lunatics.”

“Yes ma'am.”

“Don’t call me that.” Nora laughed a bit. “My mother was ma'am. I have an appointment with Edie that I am already late for. I will see you later.”

Nora got up from the couch and headed back to her office. Her head was splitting; it was definitely going to be another Excedrin day. She was having too many of those lately.

***

Nancy smiled to herself, unable to believe she was actually doing this. She had already hung up three different times and was starting to feel like a fool. This was so unlike her. Firstly, it was Monday night and she was actually at home. She had dinner and some time with the girls and now watched some cheesy movie on Oxygen that under normal circumstances she would not even have found the time to laugh at. With another deep breath, she just did it. Fear of the unknown was not going to stop her.

“Hello.”

“Hi Lauren, its Nancy McNally.”

“Yeah right.” she smirked. “Maggie, stop playing games with me. I knew I shouldn’t have told you…you're never going to let me live it down.”

“What did you tell Maggie?”

“What? Who is this?”

“Nancy McNally.”

“Oh my God, please tell me you are playing games with me Maggie.”

“Hello Lauren.”

“Hi. Oh God, I just made a really big boob of myself didn’t I?”

“Probably, but big boobs are something that never bothered me. I'm going to let you live this down, I promise.”

“Thank you. Um, how are you doing?”

“Good. I'm having a dinner party on Friday and was wondering if you would like to attend.”

“Yes.” Lauren answered without taking a beat.

“There is just one slight problem.”

“I don’t have a criminal record. Did I fail the required Secret Service friendship test?”

“No.” It wasn’t until then that Nancy even remembered that. Ron Butterfield must have had her vetted already before their first meeting or she would not have been allowed in the residence. Nancy would definitely look into that. “I just realized that people are so busy right now, I mean you watch the news.”

“I kinda am the news.” Lauren replied.

“Exactly. So I'm giving my Senior Staff the weekend off. They certainly are not going to want to break bread with me on Friday night.”

“More food for me. I may be small but I am a hefty eater.”

“You don’t mind?” Nancy asked.

“That I get to be alone with you for a couple of hours; not at all. Just for reference, this isn’t a date right?”

“The President cannot date. This is…consumption of food in a nice outfit.”

“Wow, date takes a lot less breath than that.” Lauren replied.

Nancy laughed.

“I'm already dangling out on a limb here. You want to step on my hands with semantics.”

“Consumption of food is fine with me.”

“Don’t forget the nice outfit.”

“I will wear my Sunday best.” Lauren said.

“OK, great. Is there anything in particular you like to eat?”

“I just love food. Can I say that I'm glad you called?”

“Yeah, you can say that.”

“Can I call you Nancy now? I mean, unless you want me to call you Dr. McNally…I kinda like it.”

Nancy laughed.

“If you like it, I love it.”

“Then its settled.”

“OK.”

A woman had not unnerved Nancy in a long time. It was both invigorating and intimidating. She honestly hoped that this dinner showed her that the two weeks since their first meeting had all been a trick of her mind. Then she could get back to her normal tasks. Love had no place in her life right now. Well, maybe a little lust…lust with Lauren might be very worthwhile indeed. OK, she had to get that out of her mind or the rest of the week would be a challenge.

“I should actually go. I'm still at the office and I have to drive to Chevy Chase. I'm really looking forward to Friday.”

“Yeah. I’ll see you then. Goodnight.”

“Goodnight Dr. McNally.”

***

“Toby, what do you want me to do? Its only been two and a half weeks.”

“Only! Bring her out of it, that’s what you do. There are ways!”

“Those ways could kill her! If she has a psychotic episode she will never come back. Let her heal.”

“You call that healing? Her sitting there staring into space. She is a vegetable.”

“Just shut up. I'm not talking to you anymore.”

“You will listen to me!” Toby took hold of his shoulder as Leo tried to walk away.

“Get your damn hands off of me! CJ is my wife, and I will take care of her.”

“You’ve done such a good job so far. Look what the mistakes of your past have caused.”

“You go to hell! I love her and everyday she is like this kills me. I cannot push and I will not let you. What right do you think you have?”

“She is my best friend!”

“She is my wife! Just back off Toby!”

“You have to take the risk Leo. She is not living…she is dying.”

“She was raped, beaten, and stabbed. You want her to come out of this before she is ready to face that.”

“It will hurt her before it is better. The faster we bring her out; the faster we have her back.”

“No.”

“Leo!”

“Stop it! You are not going to get me to change my mind. You don’t think I want my wife back with me? I want to be selfish as hell but I can't be. I don’t know what makes you think I will allow you to be. Leave me alone.”

“This is not over.”

“Oh yes it is.”

They both looked over at the door and saw Nora.

“What the hell are you two doing? CJ needs us right now and you want to argue.”

“I was not arguing. I was just reminding your husband that it is my wife in that hospital bed…he seemed to be a bit confused.”

“The only thing confusing me is why he won't use one of many treatments to bring her out of this stupor.”

“You have no right to interfere.” Leo said. “I have enough on my mind without pressure from you.”

“You claim to love her but…”

“Don’t say another word.” Leo warned. “I mean it Toby.”

“Toby, can I see you outside please? Right now.”

Toby left the lounge with reluctance. Nora took him into the corner.

“Sometimes you can be an asshole.” She said.

“How could you say something like that to me?”

“Imagine if it was me in there and someone thought they knew better than you how to care for me.”

“He is being irrational.” Toby reasoned.

“No, you are. He is worried, scared, and trying to be brave. If I ever hear you pressuring him again we are going to have a big problem.”

“It looks like we already do.”

“Just don’t involve yourself in Leo’s business anymore. If you want to help, that is not the way.”

“Fine. I'm going to see CJ.”

“Not today.” Leo is standing in front of the couple.

“What? You're going to keep me away from her now? You can't do that.”

“Yes I can. You might need to remember that I am CJ’s next of kin. I only have her best interest at heart. This is not out of spite Toby.”

“Bullshit.”

“She is under a lot of strain, as we all are. I think she will sense your anger and she does not need that right now. I refuse to let your misguided caring set her back. You can come back tomorrow.”

“I cannot believe this. What if I won't accept it?”

“Then I will have the Secret Service escort you out and take your name from the visitor’s list. You’ve stepped over the line…I will not tolerate it.”

Leo walked away and a stunned Toby looked after him. Nora headed for the elevator.

“Nora?”

“He’s right. I'm going home.”

“Wait, we need to talk.”

She shook her head, walking down the hall and not looking back.

***

“God morning Ron; good morning agent Casper. Would you like coffee or tea?”

Ron shook his head while Mike accepted a cup of coffee. They were in the Oval Office with the President and Sam Seaborn. Though the poisoning case still had a lot of question marks they were ready to make the report that was going down in the books.

“There are nine Secret Service agents under the tent of our investigation right now.” Ron said. “We don’t think they are aware of it but we may drop subtle hints on the three that look really good for this. We are hoping it will bring Diaz out of his rabbit hole.”

“What about Silva?” Sam asked.

“As far as we know on paper, Armando Silva has nothing to do with this. I mean, we know he did but there has been no activity on his social security number since he went to jail in 1992. Diaz is our only connection to him. On paper, Diaz is the mastermind of this crime.” Mike said.

“President-elect Santos was murdered so you could become President ma'am. We know now that Diaz had been stalking CJ for at least the last six months of the Bartlet Administration and needed to keep her here in DC if the plan was going to remain intact.” Ron said.

“He was counting on my asking Leo to stay?” Nancy asked. “That’s overreaching.”

“Silva has been studying Leo McGarry for a long time…he is aware of all of his relationships. He was willing to bet his life that you would ask and Leo would accept. Please don’t feel guilty ma'am. You had no idea.”

“Why Haffley, Lang, and Vinick?” Sam asked. “They were not involved in this.”

“That was to throw us off the trail.” Ron replied. “To make it look like a political conspiracy. I will admit we were so busy investigating those four incidents we did not think to protect anyone but the new President. Also, we reassigned and put so many agents on desk duty, we were stretched thin.”

“That’s when the kidnapping plan went into motion.” Mike picked it up. “I think one of the rogue agents made Mr. Diaz aware that Mrs. McGarry’s agents would be returning after the weekend so they had to snatch her before the opportunity was lost. The FBI has started a nationwide manhunt for Hector Diaz…he is not going to get away with this. We are leaving the Secret Service to their own internal investigation into the poisonings. Our help will be available if it is needed of course.”

“So my life was never in any danger?” Nancy asked.

“Your life is always in danger ma'am.” Ron replied. “I don’t want to scare you but you’ve been here before. There is always an imminent threat on your life. There are many who are not comfortable with an African-American female leader.”

“Of course. I certainly don’t want to make light.”

“So where are we now?” Sam asked.

“At the end of this. There is still work to be done but we are all hopeful that this case will be closed before the end of the year.” Mike said. “Getting CJ McGarry back alive was very important to us.”

“Well both agencies have done an excellent job.” Nancy said. “You worked together and did not waste my time or the country’s with petty squabbles and territorial pissings. You should be commended.”

“I was just doing my job ma'am.” Ron said.

“How soon can we take it to the media?” Sam asked. “We do not want to impede the investigation but we certainly don’t want it to seem as if we are hiding anything.”

“The FBI can be ready as soon as Friday to put out a preliminary report. While there are things that cannot be said due to the investigation being ongoing, we are ready to say publicly that the poisonings and the kidnapping are connected.”

“You will want to sit down with Donna Moss very soon.” Sam replied.

“I'm very pleased we are close to ending this chapter. I thank all of you for your cooperation.”

“Thank you Madame President.”

Sam and Mike left in deep conversation while Ron studied his protectee. He knew the President wanted to discuss something with him but it looked as if she might be nervous. Ron Butterfield didn’t think he had ever seen Nancy McNally nervous.

“I'm having a friend for dinner on Friday night…Lauren Pierdon. I know that she has already been vetted and cleared, but is there any other procedure I need to be made aware of.”

“I will run her through again before then ma'am. We can have her added to your permanent guest list if that’s what you want. Then she can come and go without announcement. If that is good for you ma'am.”

“No.” Nancy shook her head. “This is just a…its not as if…oh hell. This might be construed as a date in some circles but I am not quite ready to go there. Can all of this just stay between the two of us please?”

“Of course ma'am. Just let me know if anything changes. Making sure you are comfortable is my number one priority.”

“Thank you Ron.”

“Thank you Madame President.”

***

“Wow that was really nice.”

Hogan accepted the glass of wine from Josh and he sat beside her on the couch. He put his arm around her, liking that it made her smile. They had dinner at Obelisk that evening and then attended a showing of modern Japanese art at the National Gallery.

“I had a nice time too.” Josh said. “The art was a bit strange.”

“Still, it was a real date and you get points for that.”

“How many points are we talking?”

Josh moved closer to her on the couch, pushing Hogan against the arm. He wanted her so much he could hardly see straight. With conflicting schedules this was the first time they were together since Josh came back to DC. Both were busy with work and Hogan went to the hospital almost everyday to see her aunt.

“You don’t want to talk.” Hogan said, wrapping her arms around his neck.

“I do. I just want to kiss a bit more.”

She kissed him and when she tried to pull away, Josh held onto her. He deepened their kisses, his tongue running through her mouth. He wanted to take his time and find every spot on her body that made her sigh. Their first time was terrific; it was just unexpected. He wanted to give her his undivided attention…he knew it would be good for the both of them. That was not going to happen on the couch. Distancing himself with reluctance, Josh took her hand and they stood from the couch.

“Where are we going?” Hogan asked.

“I'm taking you to the bedroom to make passionate love to you.”

Her smile lit the room, and she squeezed his hand. They walked into the bedroom and she yanked him down on the bed.

“You are beautiful.” He told her. “I feel like I am in a dream.”

“Don’t wake up.” She started to undress him. 

“Never.”

***

The doctors encouraged Leo to brighten up CJ’s room with things from home, hoping it would bring her out of her depression. He brought her favorite pajamas and sheets to cover her hospital bed. Her IPod played her favorite songs on constant loop. He put up pictures of the children and brought in peach roses for her to smell. CJ was starting to heal physically and put on weight as Leo fed her everyday. She had no spoken or moved but he felt it was close.

It was Charlie who encouraged him to bring the children to see her. Leo was not sure it was a good idea but he told them some of the truth. Their mother got sick while she was away and now she was in the hospital. Tim and Charlie rushed to her bedside, telling her how much they missed her and what they were doing while she was gone. Charlie did not want to leave her mother’s lap. While it perplexed them both that she did not respond to them, they believed when their father said she would be better soon. Just seeing them had to make her better. There were kisses, hugs, and declarations of love before they left the hospital room…Tim left his Teddy bear there to keep her company. It still sat on her bed.

Nora came to visit late Friday afternoon just as Leo was finishing up her lunch.

“Hey.”

“Hi there.” He kissed her cheek. “We were just finishing up lunch. She seems to have more of an appetite and that makes me so hopeful. Look CJ, Nora is here.”

Nora waved though CJ did not acknowledge her presence.

“Are you going to stay?” Nora asked.

He wasn’t. He needed to go home, shower, and dress for an early dinner. He would be back later.

“How's Toby?”

“Alright. Don’t worry about him; he will lick his wounds. Go and try to have a nice evening. I'm going to stay awhile.”

Leo nodded, kissing his wife and telling her he would be back. Nora sat down, kicking off her shoes.

“I took most of the week off. You would’ve been proud of me. I just spent time with Toby and the boys. Don’t worry about Toby and Leo…they fight sometimes. We both know that. I have never seen two more stubborn men in my life. Everyone just wants you to come out of this, but I won't pressure you. I know what its like to go through a trauma and not be able to properly cope.”

She turned up the music a bit. Maybe a little David Bowie would help.

“The weather is changing. May is coming in beautifully though we’ll get more rain soon. Can you believe summer is right around the corner? We’ve been doing this almost six months. Well, six years and six months. I know it is longer for others. I don’t know if its good to gossip but I think something may be going on with Josh and your niece. Monday afternoon I caught them making goo goo eyes at each other. 

“They both jumped about 20 feet when they realized I was in the room. Its cute though he is a lot older than her. I don’t think either one of us could talk about falling for older men. Zoey and Charlie’s wedding plans are getting more elaborate by the second…its only three and a half months away. They really hope you're going to be there. You promised Charlie a dance to Brick House, remember?”

Nora pulled some magazines out of her bag.

“I brought the latest Vanity Fair and Cosmo. I’ll leave them for Leo to read to you…see if he can get through 101 Ways to Stimulate your Man.”

***

Lauren walked into the den and was surprised to find it already occupied. Iris and Isabelle were relaxing on the couches as music videos played on TV. Lauren smiled at them, sitting in one of overstuffed chairs.

“Hi.” Isabelle said.

“Hello.”

“Are you our new Agent?”

“Oh no, I'm a friend of your mother’s.” that got Iris’s attention. “They told me to wait here because she is still at the White House.”

“Really? Well, I'm Iris and that’s Isabelle.”

“I know who you are but its lovely to meet you. Are those gerbils?”

“Hamsters.” Isabelle held up the plastic cage. “Uncle Doug bought them for us. The fat one is Ozzie and that’s Harriet. I think they're both girls though, for safety purposes. Hamsters breed like bunnies.”

Lauren smiled.

“How do you know my mom?” Iris asked. “Other than the obvious reason that everyone does.”

“We have mutual friends. I heard you guys were attending a sleepover tonight so I came to keep her company.”

“Like a date?” Isabelle asked.

“No, your mom and I are just friends.”

“So, you're straight?”

“No.” Lauren shook her head and laughed. “Do you girls want to be lawyers when you grow up?”

“I want to be a journalist, like Ed Bradley. They're aren’t enough African-American women in prominent journalistic roles.” Isabelle replied.

“What do you do for a living?” Iris asked.

“I work for CNN.”

“Are you serious? You have to tell Anderson Cooper that Iris says hello. Even better, you think you could introduce me to him.”

“That could probably be arranged if your mother thinks its OK. I honestly didn’t expect you girls to be here.”

“Mom wanted to say goodbye before we left.” Isabelle said. “She got stuck at the White House.”

“On a Friday night.” Iris added. “Her job sucks sometimes. Do you drink or smoke?”

“What? I drink socially and I do smoke, but it is a dirty habit.”

“Do you have any kids?” Isabelle asked.

“No I don’t.”

“You might want to think about it before you get too old.”

“I think I have a little bit of time. My job keeps me pretty busy. Women are able to wait longer than they ever could before.”

“Sure, but then you have to have all that surgery. Izzy and I watch the Discovery Health Channel; some of those women are like guinea pigs. We’re in vitro babies but not because mom had trouble or anything.”

“Hey girls, sorry I'm late. I…” Nancy stopped when she saw Lauren. “Hi. No one told me you were here.”

“I think I'm early. I was just chatting with Iris and Isabelle.”

“Its OK.” Nancy looked at her daughters. “Were you good company to Lauren?”

“She smokes.” Iris said.

“And may introduce us to Anderson Cooper.” Isabelle added.

“Interesting. C’mon girls, you gotta go.”

They hugged their mother. Isabelle made Nancy promise to look after the hamsters. Iris nudged her mother, telling her Lauren was pretty. Nancy rolled her eyes and told them not to eat too much junk food. She knew that one fell on deaf ears. They rushed out, leaving Nancy and Lauren alone.

“Hi there.” Nancy said again.

“Hi.”

Lauren got out of her chair, giving Nancy a light hug and a kiss on her cheek. Nancy thought she looked great in black slacks and a crème colored ribbed v-neck. She was definitely an attractive woman.

“I hate to leave you waiting even longer but I have to get out of these clothes. I feel like I'm in shackles.”

“Its OK; I want you to be comfortable.”

“Good. Make yourself a drink…I’ll be 15 minutes or so.”

She nodded and Nancy left her alone. Lauren poured herself a small vodka and cranberry juice. She turned off the television and turned on the satellite radio. This was the second room she’d been in at the residence; it was definitely impressive. Flipping around the stations, Lauren stopped when she got James Taylor. Nothing like a 70s flashback on a Friday night.

“OK, now I feel somewhat human. Hope I'm not too casual.”

Nancy’s hair was pulled back in a ponytail. She wore khaki slacks and a green long sleeved shirt. Lauren just looked at her.

“What? What's the matter?”

“You look…so pretty.”

“What did I look like before, a hag or something?”

“No. I like your casual look.”

“Thank you. Lets go to the dining room; there is really good food waiting.”

Nancy reached out and took Lauren’s hand.

“What did you cook for me?” she asked.

“Unfortunately nothing; they won't let me near the kitchen. I can cook too, seriously. I make a mean tortellini. My meatloaf would bring tears to your eyes.”

They walked into the dining room and sat down.

“Is there anything you are not good at Dr. McNally?”

“Mmm, no not really.”

“I figured as much.”

***

“I think you're still angry at me.”

“What?”

Nora took a brief moment to look at her husband before focusing again on the road. 

“You're still mad at me because of the fight with Leo.”

“I'm not.”

“Yes, you are.”

“You're going to tell me how I feel now Toby?”

“Yeah, because this time I'm right. I didn’t…I was out of line. Its just that…”

“We do not need to have this conversation now. In fact, I prefer that we do not.”

Nora parked the car in front of their house. She got out and started to get Nicky out. Toby did the same with Jules. They took the kids to temple that morning and then to a nice breakfast at the Georgetown Diner. Breakfast with the boys was always an adventure. They would nap now while Nora prepared to return to work on Monday. Inside the house, Toby put them in their living room playpen as Nora grabbed a bottle of water from the kitchen.

“I have work to do. I’ll be in the study. You have work to do too. The President’s Wellesley speech is not going to write itself.”

“Ten minutes Nora. Just talk to me for 10 minutes and then we’ll do all that. I made a promise when I left the White House that it would never come before my marriage again.”

“What you did was inconsiderate. I mean, my God Toby you have your moments when I want to ring your neck…no one is perfect. But you went too far with Leo and it pissed me off. You don’t hold some kind of authority on being hurt by this situation. CJ does not belong to you; she doesn’t even belong to Leo. But she married him and gave him the responsibility of caring for her in the event of a tragedy. You had no right to interfere. You would do well to shut up sometimes, or at least think before you speak.”

‘You're right.” he said.

“I know that I'm right.”

“Nora, I just want my friend back. I spoke before thinking and I put Leo through something he did not need to go through. Worse than all of that, I upset you. None of it mattered because CJ is still catatonic.”

“It is not catatonia. She is suffering from an acute case of post traumatic stress disorder.. I'm not completely selfless Toby. I wasn’t very comfortable watching you two fight over CJ like sparring suitors. It still makes me feel…”

“You come first Nora.” Toby moved toward her and Nora stepped back. “CJ is my best friend and we’ve been to hell, back and back to hell. It is a deep love and not very easy to explain; there are not that many people in my life I can count on unconditionally. What I feel for you is deep too but I know exactly what it is.”

“Why don’t you clue me in?” Nora asked.

“Its pure love. With you I can be me; I don’t have to hide. You strip me bare and sometimes it hurts but I don’t want to be any other way with you.”

“You don’t have to say anything else. Maybe we both did and thought some stupid things this past week. How about we just move on from here?”

“To where?” Toby asked.

“I want to say the bedroom but we have work to do.”

“We’ll make a date for tonight. How about we seal it with a kiss sugar?”

“Yes.”

He pulled her into his arms, his mouth covering hers in a passionate kiss. Toby hardly wanted to stop but he knew Nora would pull away soon so he played the bigger man.

“I'm going to stop now before I get in trouble.” He whispered. “I love you.”

She stroked his beard, kissing him once more. “I love you too.”

***

The sky is torn across  
This ragged anniversary of two  
Who moved for three years in tune  
Down the long walks of their vows.

Now their love lies a loss  
And love and his patients roar on a chain;  
From every true or crater  
Carrying cloud, Death strikes their house.

“Too late in the wrong rain. They come together whom their love parted. The windows pour into their heart and the doors burn their brain. Leo?”

Leo dropped the poetry book on the floor and rushed to her side. CJ’s eyes squinted as they focused; Leo’s hands caressed her face.

“Don’t cry.” She whispered.

“I've missed you so much.”

“I missed you too. I am so afraid.”

“No one is going to hurt you here. You're safe, and Bill is outside to make sure you stay that way.”

“Where’s here? I don’t remember…I'm confused.”

“You're at GW CJ. You’ve been here for three weeks.”

“Three weeks? What are you talking about?”

“Shh, don’t push yourself too hard baby. Oh God, it is so good to see your eyes.”

“Are the kids OK? They're not hurt are they? He said he was going to hurt them.” Tears rolled down her cheeks.

“Tim and Charlie are fine. What's the last thing you remember?”

Flashes went through CJ’s mind. A smelly truck, hands, fighting and screaming for Leo. Someone put a needle in her arm and someone molested her. She felt it but she couldn’t move; couldn’t stop it.

“Stop.” She pushed Leo away some. “I don’t remember anything. Please don’t ask me.”

“Its alright.” Leo nodded. “I have to get the doctor. I'm going to leave…”

“No, don’t leave me. Don’t leave me Leo.”

She clung to him and Leo reassured her as he pressed the button that went to the nurses’ station. His wife begged him to hold onto her and he did. She trembled against him; it was good to feel any movement from her at all. The nurse walked into the room.

“My wife is awake. Please get Dr. Grace.”

She nodded and walked out.

“I'm so glad you're back.” He whispered in her ear. “My heart ached for you every moment of every day.”

“I'm scared Leo. Are you really here with me?”

“I'm here and you're free of the people who hurt you.”

“I’ll never be free.” CJ whispered, breaking down and sobbing against her husband.

“I'm never letting you go. I promise you.”

Leo silently prayed as he held her. She had come back to him but the uphill battle had just begun. CJ was safe inside herself; out there she would have to face the horrors of what happened to her. He meant it when he said he wasn’t letting her go. Leo had to help her hold on.

***


End file.
